Last night Matt and I were talking about Tillman and how we are so ready for him! We were saying that it would be so neat if he was born on his due date since that is kinda rare! Then we were talking about how this is the end of a long awaited journey!
Last night I was laying in bed thinking about how excited I am to meet this little guy but also how much this phase in my life is almost over. As a woman you think alot about being pregnant. I remember always being amazed at woman and how their body looked being pregnant. I have wanted this for so long and it is almost over. I know that my dear friends are tired of me complaining about wanting him to get here. I know that they were excited school was over so they didn't have to listen to me complain and they would all say I would miss this when it is gone. I had that feeling last night that I am sad he will be on the outside in only a few short days. The protection I give him now can only be given by me. When he is on the outside there are so many things that can get to him. This is the begining of a life that I hope will turn into an amazing young man. During pregnancy you are so excited about being pregnant and all the milestones you reach you don't have time to think about the baby when they are out in this world. Last night laying on the couch I hadn't moved from all day all I could think about was his future and raising this amazing child. I started to freak myself out about whether or not I will know what to do and will I be a good mother. Will he know how much I love him even when I get frusterated or annoyed with life? Will he be resepctful to other and love his future wife the way his father loves me? Will he treat his friends with love and compassion and still have a spice for life?
With all this complaing about wanting him out and and the constant annoyance of this belly, I am starting to wonder can I do this? This is the end of a journey but the begining of a new amazing journey! I feel like this post doesn't make any sense and it probably doesn't but I am in the mood to type and it is early on a Sunday morning.
Well we got a good phone call yesterday, Matt's mom called to say that Matt and Katie were NOT ten pounds almost 11 they were both around the 9 pound mark!! That made my day because I am so worried Tillman is going to be HUGE and I don't think I would push out a ten pound baby! Hopefully he will be around 8 pounds. That would be nice!
Well my BH contractions are getting stronger and having a lot more than normal. I also have this constant pain flooding over my abdomen which won't go away. Laura said yesterday that I have convinced myself I am not going to go into labor naturally that I won't know when I am in labor. I think she is right. There are so many different things that happen to your body how do you know when it is the true thing? Also I was thinking about this yesterday when my contractions were coming back to back, if I were to call the doctor and go into Labor and Delivery and be sent home I would be so embarrassed that I don't think I could make myself go back until he was half way out!!! We shall see...if my water broke it would make things a lot easier!!!
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