Such an amazing husband!!

Ok so if you have been keeping up you know this past week has been hard. I pretty much lost it this week because of this move. I have had a million what ifs and I just couldn't calm myself. Well Matt went to VA this week so he came home on friday and asked what we had planed. We had nothing so he decided to suprise me since I love suprises. Friday he picked me up at school and told me to go home and pack a bag for two nights. So we did and then we drove towards Charlotte. He told me that we were going down town nothing else. So we drove to downtown and checked into the Hilton. I was so excited because I need a much needed mini vacation. So we checked in an started to walk downtown. We wanted to find somewhere to eat but every where had a hour wait. So being a little disapointed we went back to the hotel and got a drink from the bar. wellll the bar was under construction so we bought a drink for this make shift counter thing (spending nine dollars on each drink) and went back to the room. We got upstairs and unpacked our bags and literally fell right to sleep. We laughed when we woke up because we are such old folks. Well saturday we woke up and we started driving downtown. We headed to the Discovery PLace. I was really excited because I love museums and I think they are so fun when you walk around and see all the children playing. So we walked around we went to the IMAX theater and watched a movie about dinosaurs. After that we drove to the life sience museum. That was fun and then our day was done. Matt thought it would take a little longer but it didn't. So we called some great friends of ours and we went out to eat which was great. I really miss them and it was so great to see them. Then we went to see his sister and we sat andt alked with her. After that Matt had suprised me with a dinner date with my dad and step mom. It was great!! We went to an irish pub downtown and had a few drinks and we jsut hung out. This week was so needed. My husband is amazing. I take him for granted SO MUCH!! I take out things on him that I shouldn't I really don't show him enough how much I appreciate him. I love that man with al my heart. Even though this move has been stresful and has taken its tole I love him and he is my world. God has created the man for me!!! I love you MATTHEW!!!

What if.....??????

Ok so Matt left today for VA. The first day of a long journey. He drove up there to spend the week and then he will come back spend the weekend with Stella and I and then head back up. This day is the first day of a journey that has taken its toll and is continuing to take its toll.

I don't want to move. I said it. I don't wnat to live in va and it makes me sad to think about moving. At this point I am tired of hearing people say think positive or be excited about change, or it will be ok. I just want to sit here and pout because right now I am sad and I am in no mood to be happy about it. I want to be sad because it makes this real and make Raleigh a part of my hear. Today I went to lunch with some friends to celebrate a teachers engagement and I just sat there sad. We talked about the move and all the WHAT IFS!!! I started to get stressed and my heart sank.

The hardest damn part of this move is the million WHAT IFS???? All I can think about is what if this what if that. All that runs through this ticker of a brain is what if our house doesn't sell? What if the house doesn't sell and I can't get a job? What if we have to take a hit on the house and pay out? What if I don't have a job this summer how will we get by? What if the house doesn't sell? What if we can't move? What if my job falls through? What if they don't hire me? There are many more that run through my head and I just am sick to my stomach. I hate this!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH My heart hurts from all these what ifs. My head is filled with millions of thoughts. My thoughts have always flown through my brain but this move make it work double time. I just want answers!! At this point I don't care if we get the go ahead to move I just need it finalized. Right now if they house dones't sell we don't move. That is the number one variable in all this. We don't sell the house, we have to keep it. Which means someone has to stay which means i might work at millbrook again but that also means matt is in VA and I am not. My heart is sick because I know that our hands are tied and its all in his but its hard to just let go and hand it to God.I know we have no control and I know that he has worked it all out and he will show us as soon as we trus him but that is hard. I am not good at this.

God....please take this move and show us where we need to go. Lead us down the path that you desire for us. Please let us know what you want us to do. This move is in your hands. Our house is in your hands. Your will is our will. You have complete control and we know this. Please guide us and lead our hearts to where you wish them to fall.

SPRING BREAK!!!

Ok so when your young that word meant alot. I remember thinking about all the great things that happen to people on spring break!! Those were the days...

This week I am off and it has been a mix of emotions. It started out with a monday where I went to school to clean the room so I wouldn't spend my workday doing that. Then I went home and studied for my test.

Tuesday I took the VCLA and found out that I pretty much failed it. I wont officially know till April 26th. I didn't know how much of a tole it took on my but I went home and slept. I was exhausted.

Wednesday was the best day with happy moments. I went and worked out with Nancy and Katherine and we worked hard. Then I went to lunch with Miss Erin and her new baby Caroline. We also had nancy, shannon, jimmy and kristen join us. It was great!! I love lunches like that which brings great friends together. We cought up with Mrs. Shannon and celebrated her great baby news. We gabbed about school and kids. It was the best.

Thursday I went and bought new summer clothes which is always exciting. I love my new found store New York and Company!! It has the best clothes. I also ate lunch with Miss Katherine!! We gabbed about school and fun things. I love days like this....

Well Friday holds nothing except working out and a drive to ECU to get ready for OM. I am split about my feelings for this weekend. They have me down as a door person which sucks because I wanted to judge but they don't have me in that position. I signed up to judge not to open doors. I hope that I can be in a good mood so I wont be grumpy. We will see....

Well it finally hit me hard that we will be moving. This past Friday all of us were out celebrating national boards and thriller and I drove home and just cried. I hadn't crided like that in a long time. I was thinking about all these amazing people that I will be leaving. Their life will go on and my life will as well. The hard part is they will go on without each other. I really don't want to lose these friendships. I pray that we can stay in touch and we can alawys stay close.

Well you can't be a teacher unless you can laugh at yourself. This past week 12 teachers were very daring. We had a variety show at school and we all decided to dance in the show. So we practiced the THRILLER dance for weeks and at the show we were the last performance. It was amazing!!! We all dressed up and put makeup on. We did our hair and bought goodwill dressess. We were on a stage and the kids loved it. The picture is the picture of me while dancing. The others are of all the other teachers in their costumes!! I love things like this. This makes me love teaching. The kids were so excited to see us!!!