Fatty Fatty

Ok so the past few month I have been noticing some changes. I have been slowly buying new clothes because the others don't fit anymore and I the scale seems to slowly get higher numbers. The last time I checked I was at 137 and that means I have gained 12 pounds in ONE YEAR!!! Ok so when you gain a pound here and a pound there you think in your head so what its fine. When the year is up and you weigh 12 pounds more you like where did it all come from. So the past few weeks I have been slowly becoming more and more depressed because I hate the way I look and my pants are to tight and I had to buy new underwear because the others wouldn't cover my butt! So needless to say matt and I have had some heated conversations because I want to do something about it but I can't. I have no where to work out and I have nothing to workout with. Before in the appartments I lived in there was always a nice gym. I could get motivated and just go on up and workout. Now if I get that motivation nothing! I can walk down the street or jog but my legs start to itch and my knees start to hurt and then I am done. So I am in need of workout equipment. We are vernturing offf today to find me something so this depression will go away. The problem we have is when will I work out! So I told matt if we buy something i PROMISE to work out at least four times a week. I want my skinny legs back. The other problem is that people don't see the weight because I can hide it and its all in my legs and butt. The people don't see the red creases my pants leave on my legs when I get undressed at night. People don't see the wedges I have because my underwear doesn't cover my butt. Those are all the hidden weight gains people don't see. So when I talk to people the get mad becaue they say shut up you don't need to work out. So that is why having a blog who doens't talk back is nice.

So the other thing I am changing is my diet. I am going to try to eat better meals and not snack as much. My diet coke addiction will dcrease, but I WILL NOT STOP! I can't stop and I don't want to stop. So the chips and the sweedish fish are out the DOOR!! So please leave some encouragement for me to get through this weigh gain freakout!!

Overwhelmed.....

Being a teacher you take on a duty that I only teachers can understand. I leave my job everyday with this weight on my shoulders and I wonder if that will ever go away. I have always been someone who is dedicated to their job but I have always been someone who hates doing things half ass. This past few days I have felt I have been givng my kids half ass because of all the OTHER stuff we have to do. ALP is an afterschool program that kids are put in if they are low and you don't think will pass the EOG. I have decided to do work ALP which means every tues and thurs till five. Its like an extended school day. Since deciding to do this I have thought more about ALP then I have my own class. I have been planning for that and not thought about my day with 21 kids. Its sad, a teacher said today that if we had time to plan for our own class we wouldn't need ALP. I think thats true, if we were just able to do our own darn job we wouldn't have to have kids be put in an afterschool program. I really am overwhelmed. I feel this way because I love my JOB!! I hate this feeling that I can't do my job and that is the hardest part. I know all the teachers feel this way and that teachers have said this for YEARS!! I def think that as a teacher I just hope in years to come things will get better. I know what I need to do and hope that I will be able to my job some day.

been awhile

The new year has come! This past year has been a long but fast one. Things are going really well. Stella got her woman parts removed which makes her an it. I still love her though.

The house is going great. We went to a struggling artist show today and got some painting for the downstairs. I am so excited to hang them and make this place look a little more pretty. I love getting things for the house!! Matts hates spending the money but its ok cause in the end he loves it.

School is going great! I have a great class and I am really feeling good about this year. Not sure how effective I am and if my kids will pass the EOG but I am doing all that I can. I really don't know if they will grow but I do know that my kids love learning and I love teaching them. Some days are harder then others but my kids are really good. I hate the state of NC but theres nothing I can do to change their rules. OUr children have to learn so much in math its impossible to get it all taught WELL.

well thats all for now. back to cleaning the house and taking STella for a walk.