softball: not the game I thought it would be

Ok so here is the deal. I suck at softball. I really wanted to play with our church, and now I am having doubts. I wanted to play because we would meet people, get some exercise and have some fun. THese people are serious atheletes. I mean the balls makes a sound through the air when they throw it. Then there is little old me who can throw it four feet before it hits the ground. I really hate it because I want to play, but I am not having fun. I am getting upset because I drop it and I can't throw it, and when I bat, it's a joke. I really try though, I mean I try to run at get it but my perception is off. I hate it, I told matt tonight on our way home that I wanted to quit because I feel bad for all the other people. It is two fold, its dumb for us to waste our money when we wont get playing time, and I suck so when they do have to play us they lose. I feel bad, but the hardest part is like playing the game which is why I have trouble. I love playing an organized sport. If we were playing kickball I would be great. Or dodge ball. I love those games. I have alot of thinking to do tonight. I may just tell them tomorrow at church that I am going to let them have their game, and I will just come to some games and cheer on. They have two other guys coming tomorrow that are really good so that means we really wont have any playing time. Ohwell. I guess maybe I should start a dodge ball game or even four squares. I am really good a jump rope. :)

its hard sometimes

Ok so my little brother and I had a conversation the other night that has really kept me thinking. He doesn't belive in God. He thinks that religion brain washes people and he doesn't understand why people follow something so "blindly", expecially when the facts don't add up.

It was hard for me because I am not so savy when it comes to quoting the bible and giving all the information that a non beliver needs. I felt very inadequit because I was unable to have a fair talk with him since I am still so very fresh with learning and reading the bible. Matt told me to drop it but I felt in my heart that God wanted me to continue and he would provide the words. THat is something I pray about alot, is that GOd would give me the words to help James see. I hurt inside thinking that I an unable to give him all the proof he needs. I know that God doesn't expect me to but I feel that my purpose is to help lead James to Gods love, but he wont have anything to do with it.

I know that in the past I felt the same way as James. I had so many questions and I didn't understand why God did the things he did, but you know my life is so much more amazing then before. I know the reason and that is the live God has for me, and that I accepted him in my heart. I just wish I was able to show James. THe thing I did do what give James the examples that showed me that Gods love was real. I know that is what God wanted me to do because he was the one that gave me the words.

It was hard though, because the questions James was asking were legit. Like why aren't there dinasours in the bible? Or the bibles timing is WAY off comapred to how long the earth has been around. Or why does it seem that God is giving an altamatum, its my way or the highway to hell? I didn't have the answers but all I could do was tell him that Gods love has changed me and that my life is so diffrent now that I belive in him and that he loves me.

What is hard is to think that even though I belive and pray for James, and he never sees Gods love and really accepts Jesus Christ as his personal savior, I wont see him after this life. That just made my stomach turn. I mean it is hard because I see Gods love but I don't want to think that he would let that happen. That is the hardest part for me. I know that all that I can do is pray, find those answers that James is looking for and witness to him more. I also know that through time I will be able to read more and to have more proof that God is real and that he loves James.

Well on a lighter note, in a few weeks I will become a fifth grade teacher. I can't wait but I can wait. I am scared that I wont be a good teacher, and then I think that wont happen, because if I think that then it wil happen. I am sad though because I wont be with my children during the last few weeks. Today I had to young third graders tell me I was really pretty today. It made me feel so good. I really love teaching so much. I mean each day I wake up I am so happy to go to school and be there and see their faces. THey are getting on my nerves now, but that is ok because we only have a few more weeks.

Got the BEST annv. present EVER!!!

Ok so I have the BEST hubby ever!! He bought me a new car for our annv.!!! What more could a girl ask for!! Here are a few pics!!

Update..

So things are going really well. I mean it would be even better if we won the lottery but you know. The house is still a hole in the ground, but they told us the basement will take a long time. Hopefully it wont raing anymore this week and they can keep on working on it.

School is going great. They told me last week that I will be teaching fifth grade at the end of the year because a teacher is leaving for maturnity leave. I am really excited, nervouse and sad. I am sad cause I am going to miss the last few weeks with my third graders. I really love them so much. I am nervouse because I started to think of all the things that could go wrong. They are so much taller then me and they are really not wanting to be your friend. I have some of them in ALP and so that will make it easier. I really like the kids alot and I know candy goes a long way so that is my plan to have tons of candy and use it to my advantage. :) I am really excited though because this will be my first time with my own room. I mean its scary cause if I screw up I am in trouble. My only fear is that since I am taking over her room, I will take it over for next year because she wont be back. I wouldn't mine fifth grade, but I really like third.

Well time if going by so fast. We are about to have our one year annv. I mean how wierd is that. I can't belive it. I am so excited. We arent going to do anything since we have the house, but I wish we could. I know that its not about going somwhere or anything but it still would be special. WE brought our cake up to eat on our one year. I am can't wait to take a bite.I didn't get to eat alot on our wedding day. I actually didn't even eat any food. I took a plate with me to the holtel but we didn't eat it. We orderd room service later that night.

Well things are going great, that is an update on what is going on!

THEY STARTED!!!

Ok so matt and I just got back from our house and they actually started!! I am so excited!! In the pictures you see me standing where our basement room will be!! Life is so amazing!!

Ok so my bestest got married this past weekend. It was the prettiest wedding. I thought she looked amazing!! The food was GREAT!!! I had three glasses of wine and I was about to fall asleep. I think Matt and I were the first to leave cause I was so tired.

School is going great. We have 41 days till the EOGs and so the kids are getting nervous. I can't wait to see their scores because I want to know how well they did. I am so ready for summer though. I am worried I wont be able to find a job but I really need one. I would like to work somwhere brainless.

We are going to Charlotte for EAster to see the family. If anyone was nervous I fit so well into the bridesmaid dress. Just pray I don't gain any weight because I would not fit then. I really like the dress alot, Katie did a great job picking one out.

Two nights ago I wasn't able to sleep because I realized that my little brother was turning twenty. Its really hard for me to see him being twenty because not but a few months ago I was twenty and James and I aren't anywhere near each other in our life stages. I hope that he is doing well in school and that he really is making some changes. He seems to be with this really great girl. I hope that they make it as well. I am so proud of him for getting through allt hat he has and for making a great change!! He is really making his dad proud to!! I wish the best for him and hope that he will have a happy life!!