Well I do have to say motherhood was a lot different then I expected. You have so many different ideas of what motherhood would be like before it gets here and when it is here you were so off with what you thought. I never expected to fall in love so fast and so hard to a being that I just met. I know he was in my belly for nine months but these past three weeks I have fallen so in love with such a small person I sometimes am overwhelmed with emotions just looking at him. Last night he was fussy and my mom was trying to calm him and finally after everything she passed him to me and instantly he stopped crying. He opened his wide eyes and just sighed as if to say, that's what I wanted...my momma. That was the most amazing feeling ever! I never knew how empty I was until I had him. Don't get me wrong, that word empty wasn't a feeling I had before him. I have an amazing husband who I love more than anything in the world, but when Tillman entered my life I felt full. Watching the man that I love hold his son and talk to him and kiss him makes me full. I didn't know I was empty so it didn't dawn on me until little man got here.
I also do have to say, that the part of motherhood that I didn't expect was falling in love with my husband all over again. We have been married almost five years. We have been together for 7 which is hard to believe. We love each other and we def. make an effort to show each other whenever we can but this love I have for Matt now is so different then before. Watching him with his son melts my heart. I carried this little being for him and brought this little guy into the world for us and watching him love on him and fall in love with him makes me as his wife fall head over heels for him. Matt has always been a softy when it comes to expressing his love for me, but watching him love his son and the feeling it gives me, is the part of motherhood I never expected. When I look at our family portrait I just tear up because that is what we are..a family!
Matt leaves for VA Monday. This will be our first week alone. I want to say it will be harder for me, but I really believe that it will be one of the hardest things to do for Matt. Like I said in the post before, he grows so fast and this week that Matt is gone, our son will continue to grow. He is going to miss this week and I know in his heart he is crushed. He loves his son so much...it is going to be really hard for him. I am going to keep myself busy but I am going to miss Matt so much! Even though Tilley relies on me for a lot, having Matt there to hug me, rub my shoulders or just to listen when I need him makes a world of difference. I think the hardest time will be at night since I am tired and with reflux Tilley sometimes doesn't want to go back to sleep and Matt will bounce him around until he feels better. So just keep us in your prayers this week.
We are going to visit family the last week of July. I am so excited to go and see everyone. It will be T Mans first long trip. I will def. take pictures and let everyone know how it goes.
I do have to say..I am one blessed woman! I have to say, my life is complete! I have everything I have ever dreamed of and more!
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