I started to read the book Water for Elephants as I want to see the movie eventually and I will never read a book after watching the movie, but will always see the movie if I have read the book. I was really interested in the plot as it was about a veterinarian who traveled with a circus. Now way back when I used to want to be a vet. I rode horses for years and spent many a nights on the farm watching foals be born or horses have colic and just was intrigued by a vets wits and willingness/stubbornness to find the answer. Now this dream was shattered with my barely 2.0 highschool GPA and the fact I wouldn't even be considered by NC State. Back to the point, the book seemed interesting and I needed a good vacation read. As I started the book I had a freak out moment as the book is set in the 30's and I really hate books set a long time ago as I can't visualize the scenes and characters so I get bored easily. I pushed through and just pictured the few movie clips that I had seen and let my imagination wonder. The author goes back and forth between the main character as he is now and his life in the circus. He is 90-93 or 20-23 depending on where you are in the book. I really like this and when he is 93 he spends time reflecting on getting old which got me thinking....
There are times that I close my eyes and let my mind wander to the years ahead when I am 93 and what life will be like. I am scared of the unknown but also have a sense of peace as to know my faith will carry me through. I still wonder if my faith is strong enough though...I know I just contradicted myself but I am trying to get my thoughts out. Having faith is believing right? So if you question your faith does that mean you don't believe? I promise I am going somewhere with this. Growing old is scary I wonder what will happen to civilization and how much will Satan succeed in his quest to conquer all. I think about the Earth and how as humans we seem to be on our way to complete destruction. I fear the future but don't dwell in that fear but at times when I am alone it floods my mind and I can't stop thinking about it. I am scared for what will become of this world we live in. If you go through this blog you will see this fear and wonderment comes around every few years and I still seem to wonder the same things. How does one have faith in something that seems so uncertain? Is the uncertainty the lack of knowledge? Am I uncertain because I am not a Christian? I consider myself a Christian but ask me what that means I would give the textbook answer of, he is my personal savior who died on the cross for my sins. What does that mean? I don't have that answer. I say I am a Christian because I believe in something bigger than me. Having Tillman reiterated the fact that in order for every single cell to come together perfectly to create this baby there had to be a bigger set of hands weaving the pieces together! This swims in my head all the time. I run from the thoughts mostly because it scares me. I run because I don't have the answers and maybe I am scared to find them. I run because I feel dumb when thinking them out loud. Many people know I can be very black or white in my thoughts and I tend to have an issue with the gray! (Totally googled how to spell gray because I struggle with it being either grey or gray. Here is what I found and now I will never forget! I love things like this. grAy is how it's spelled in America
grEy is how it's spelled in England. Such an ADD moment..sorry)
Wow my head hurts from thinking about all this! See what I mean about the thoughts flood my mind! To lighten to mood here are some pictures of Tillman on our way to dinner! Man do I love this little guy!
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