Ok so here I am sitting on the couch in a funk. Today I just couldn't get my gears rolling. I know for starters that my weight isn't where I want it to be. Also I am tired and I want my own darn classroom. The reason is because those days where I feel low and don't really want to be at my fullest I can't take a break since I only see each class every six days and that means that when I am in your room I need to really be up because I got to get my lessons taught, I also don't want to look like a slacker which I would hate for people to think of me.
Well this weekend I thought alot about our future children and the school they would attend. A friend said to make sure and not get ahead of God which to be honest I had never thought about. I know that is sad, but till recently God wasn't the biggest thing in my life, which I know doesn't make me a good person, but I am learning. So I thought about her comment which was so true, but its hard because I feel I was crapped out of a good education because I didn't have alot of support at home. No one pushed me and I needed that cause I just gave up and I want my children to be pushed and be accomplished. I want them to know that I want to be part of their life. I am also going through the whole religion thing with my children. I want them to grow up with faith and their heart given to God. I want them to know him like I do now. I want them to be able to turn to him when their lives are low because they will be at times.
Like I said above I am in a funk. I hope and pray its not this new BC because I really dont know what I would do if I had to get off it. This weekend I started to feel the funk coming on and so I really am worried that it might be. This is very similar to the way I was when I was on bc before. Pray that its not and I am just feeling fat.
Well bad news, we had to spend the money we had planned for our one year annv on our stupid car. It had a master cylinder crack which meant that I was leaking break fluid and so we spent close to 4oo to fix it, which that would have gone to a weekend getaway with the hubby. I am sad because this was our first annv. We wont have another one, and I know its not about the vacation or whatever, it should be about us and how we have made it through this year that many people say is the hardest, but I feel like that weekend getaway would have rejuvinated us. I dont know what we are going to do now. It really sucks, but that is life and my dearest mother would say. We do thought get blessed with a summer vacation to the beach because of Matts work. They are taking us to Myrtle beach in June and paying for EVERYTHING even gas, since matt has to attend a confrence, so that will be nice.
Well the house hasn't been started. I know I know, they told us this would happen but it hard to not want this to get done. It is a catch 22 though because the longer it take to get done the more moeny we will have in savings. The other thing is that we will get through the summer that I wont be making any money in, and not have to make a payment.
We went to the design center and picked everything out and I am so excited!!! I got everything that I wanted and more. Even though we are spending a little more then we want its still better because its under the house and we wont have to lose our cash. We are still going to put hardwoods in the dining room and foyer. I almost dont want to tell anyone the details and wait till they walk through the front door. I am not good with keeping things in, which can be shown with my wedding dress...everyone saw it before I even wore it :) but I want everyone to come in and be shocked!!
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