2 Weeks Old!

Well our son has reached the two week mark! TIME FLIES!! I really am trying to savor this time with him, but when I look at the calendar all I can think about it is how fast it is going by! I do have to say though at night when I am tired I do wish that we could skip this part and get to the sleeping longer at night;)!

We had our two week check up and things looked great! He gained a whole pound since the last time we were there. He was born 9.6 but when we were discharged he was 8.11. When we went to the ped. 24 hours later he was 8.10. So needless to say he had a lot of gaining to do. Yesterday he was 9.10 so that was a good sign. They want them back up to their birth weight but the 2 week mark. Everything else checked off. He does have a little strawberry they want to watch on his belly. She measured it so that when he grows we can keep an eye on it.

While we were there I talked to her about gas because I thought Tilley had been gassy for the past two days. I thought maybe because I had eaten eggs and they give me gas, that he was gassy from them also. When I described the symptoms I was seeing, she said it could be gas but also could be reflux. She showed me a diagram of the stomach and explain reflux to me and what the symptoms looked like. It seemed to me that he was showing those signs more so then the signs of gas. So she sent us home to watch it and see if he continues to show them days after I ate the eggs. Yesterday I called them and we went back in because the poor boy is suffering. He arches his back, cries spontaneously, constantly is trying to swallow something, and you can tell he is in pain when he cries. They gave us baby Zantac to help with the reflux. Hopefully the medicine will kick in because he doesn't want to sleep because the acid will come back up and it hurts. So last night was a long night.

Big Sister

So our "first born" is definintly having trouble with the lack of attention she is getting the past week or so. She went from the center of our world to not so much! She still gets love but she is so used to being able to lay in our lap, or just start up a game of tug of war. Now with the baby we have to plan it so we aren't holding him to be able to play with her. Her cousin Scout came up for the weekend and wore her tail out! She was so sad when he left. The other night I capture her with dad and Tillman lounging around. Even though she is said and lacking attention she is still a great big sister and I know when he gets older she will have tons of fun with him!

Tummy Time

Well our son has some pretty strong neck muscles! He bounces that head around all the time! At the begining Matt was so nervouse to hold him belly to belly because he would try to lift his head and because he really couldn't control it, it would fall to the left or right and Matt would get so worried. Now he is much more comfortable but it definitly scares him every once and awhile.

Well we got this really cool mat that has a mini boppy on it and some toys so when we do tummy time he has something to lay on. It also is nice because you know me, my house is a wreck and that means he isn't laying on my unvacumed carpet that has dog hair all over it! :)

Here are two pictures of tummy time (even though on isn't on his tummy :)) He doesn't last long before he cries but we are working on it! :)

Tilley's Home Photo Shoot

Today Aunt Katie and I took some photos of Tilley for his birth announcements. We got some really cute ones! I hope the announcement will look good!

Breastfeeding is HARD work! (may be TMI)

So I do have to say that having a baby is NOTHING like the movies makes it out to be!I mean I knew that it was all fictional but even the reality TV shows that show births and things leave out so many things you don't get a good sense of how hard things can be.

The one thing I never thought about was breastfeeding. I would always see women do it and nothing seemed difficult about it. I have heard stories of women and know women who can't because of their milk supply, or something is wrong with their nipples and things but as far as women who are successfull they don't ever share how hard it can be.

My milk took a full five days to come in which was abnormal says the books. So I was worried I wasn't going to be able to. When it came in Tilley had a great latch and everything seemed great! I was getting the hang of things but it still seemed to disjointed.

Trying to get a schedule and learn his cues and be able to figure out if he was really hungry or just wanted to suck on a paci. Then when he was feeding trying to keep him awake enough to eat, or to make sure that he had a clean diaper before we started because he wouldn't eat if he was dirty. Making sure that I burped him in between or he wouldn't sleep afterwords.

The act of breastfeeding is easy and such an amazing gift a mother can give their child, but with everything else that goes on, it can be really hard. It is also a double edged sword because you are the soul person he relys on which is such an amazing feeling but also a feeling of overwhelment because you ARE the only person that can feed him.

These are the emotions that no one tells you before the baby comes. As a new mom I want what anyone else does for their child, the best, but that is such a daunting task. You read so much, you hear so much, you see so much, it can be so overwhelming to weed through it all and find what works best for you!

I know is 9 days I can't screw him up so bad that we can't return to a norm but I am still scared that if I make the wrong decision on something there is no turning back.

Didn't mean for this post to be so gloomy, but I sit here and watch him sleep in his swing and think about his future and what I want for him! Being a mom is so amazing but also so overwhelming at times!

One Week Old!! Holey COW!!!

So Tillman has readched the one week mark! (ok he did this saturday, little late on the post but I have been busy :)) He is such a ham! We have loved every moment of it. Here are some things we have learned!

*he always smiles after he poos :) must feel good
*he loves to lay on his belly and sleep on your chest
*he loves any heartbeat white noise machine
*he loves to eat, he eats from both breasts every meal! He loves him some milk (takes after his daddy!)
*he sneezes a lot and he sounds so cute
*eats every 2-3 hours
*HATES his diaper changed...screams BLOODY murder!
*he loves to suck his fingers...he almost can fit his fist in his mouth
*he makes noises when he breathes...we were worried at first but the ped. says everything is ok
*he has blonde hair but it seems to have a slight redish tint to it, Matt doesn't see it but I do! :)
*He hates to sleep on his back...he only wants to be sitting slightly up or held...this worries me because I don't want to start a bad habbit.
*He can blow out a diaper man!! My sons pipes work SUPER!
*he loves his swing which is nice but again I don't want to start a bad habbit!
*He is back up to 9.6 which makes me so happy!
*He loves his mommy and daddy so very much, and we love him to the moon and back!

Here are some pictures that I took to show how big he is. As you can tell momma couldn't move fast enough and he was in no mood for a photo shoot!

Day 9....still going strong sort of

Well it still amazes me that he is 9 days old. I really still can't believe that he was born 9 days ago. We have started to get into a small routine. (If I have learned anything in 9 days is babies don't stick to a routine for long.) Right now we are going 2-3 hours between feedings. We are eating from both boobs which is good because it is bringing in my supply for both boobs. He really loves to eat and now that my milk is in (5 days later) he seems to do really well. Being a FTM I have learned many things, but the biggest most helpful thing is to stop reading stuff. I was so worried about my milk because everything said 2-3 days...it took 5. If I stressed enough about it, it may have never come in. Now day 9 we are doing great. He is back up to his birth weight which makes me happy. Another thing is the eating every 2-3 hours rule. When I read that I started to write down times and when he would get fussy I would do everything but nurse because it hadn't been two hours, well let me tell you, newborns always win! Yesterday I felt like a human cow, he seemed to nurse every hour. Today it is back to 2-3 hours. I think a growth spurt was hitting.

I am doing great as recovery goes. I feel better, and my stiches are healing really well. Still can't drive because of the narcotics I am on but that is ok, don't have really anywhere to go. Tilley is so beautiful I just love sitting and watching him. I have lost 20 pounds since he was born which is really nice. The fastest 20 pounds I have ever lost!! Only 14 more to go (no I am not dieting or trying to lose the weight...that 20 pounds was all the baby "gunk" that comes with pregnancy. I am eating lots of food and taking care of myself...no worries!) I have had many great meals brought over or made for us so that has been really nice.

So the past nine days have been an emotional roller coaster for me. When I thought my milk wouldn't come in I cried, when I look at him while he sleeps I cry, when Matt comes and hugs me and tells me I am a great momma I cry. It is fully how wacked out your hormones are at this point. Also as a parent there are so many decisions you have to make and you want to make sure they are the right ones. For example the sleeping issue. We read "Becoming Babywise" which was really helpful and we learned a lot but that doesn't really start till week 2 or 3. Right now we are just getting to know each other and figuring out each others needs. Well his sleeping has been a little wierd. The first few nights he slept fine in the bassenette or pack n play. I made a very conciouse effort to lay him in his crib after eating because I didn't want him to get used to sleeping in my arms. Then one day he just didn't want to sleep on his back in his crib. So now he has to be in my arms at night or in his swing. I am at a fork in the road because I don't want him to get used to sleeping this way but when it is 2am in the mornig...you just want him to sleep. So now we are trying each time to lay him down and then when he fusses to let him sit for a minute and then I pick him up. He wants to sleep in my arms or on a pillow right beside me. It is stressful because I really don't sleep but he does. Being a parent you encounter so many decisions that you want to make the right one but you aren't sure what is the right one.

Well this is just a quick update, hopefully tomorrow I will post some more pictures!

Super Duper Friends!!

Well we came home from the hospital Monday and my dear friend Lisa came to stay with us Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday! She was such a blessing! Man did we need her. She and I have been friends for years and she is one of those friends that I feel very comfortable with! I am naturally not a modest person but with Lisa I hold nothing back. Since I came home with a nasty tear and couldn't do a whole lot. Lisa came to the rescue!! She cooked TWO amazing meals, did laundry, help with Tilley, talked to me while I was using my sitz bath, kept Matt company when I was sleeping, took care of Stella, did errands for us, and was just there for support when I had my crying epasoids! She was such a blessing and I know we couldn't have done these three days without her!! The sadest part though is I am a lame friend and never took a pitcure of her with Tillman. She did however capture a moment of the week that sums it all up! This picture shows me with my granny panties that the hospital gave me to wear, my shirt pulled up because I just finished nursing and my pregnancy butt (which is HUGE by the way) in the air after laying Tilley in his swing!! Needless to say Lisa was amazing and our friendship grew leaps and bounds this week and I appreciate everything she did!!

Cute little video

Just a cute little video!

Only days old...and already the love of my life! (gets a little personal so consider yourself warned :))

First sponge bath

First carseat ride!! Mom was a little worried, but dad drove really safe!!

Going home outfit, waiting for Dad to pull around

Holding dads hand, he is so in love with his daddy!

What I looked like the day before Tilley was born

Well all I can say is wow!! How can you love someone so much you only met 6 days ago! Well Tilley is just an amazing addition to our family!! Matt is just as in love with him as I am!! Even though we are running on fumes we are loving every moment!

Well the first few days have ben up and down. Tuesday we went to the ped. and he had lost 1 pound and 2 ounces from birth. They were worried about that since he was so big at birth. So we started to supplement with formula. I was worried and refused to use a bottle so the doctor gave me this neat contraption. It was a syringe that was hooked to a small tube. You filled the syringe and then laid the tube on my nipple. So when he nurses he still gets the colostrum from me and still helps stimulate my breast for my milk to come up but he also gets the formula so that he won't starve. At the ped. office he downed an ounce of food in a minute! It was CRAZY! So we went home that day with this contraption, fed the boy and he was happy. Then we went back tot he ped. the next day and he had gained 6 ounces!! They were very pleased. My milk had just started coming in that day so they wanted me to still sup. a little but do mostly just my milk.

That night was the worst night so far. He could poo for the life of him. With all the formula he had drank his body didn't know what to do with it. He went from having nothing to having tons! So that night he wanted to be held but all he did was cry! Needless to say we were up all night! No one slept except Stella. Then around 3 am he took the biggest loudest poo ever!! Matt and I just laughed and I cried! MAN IT STUNK!!! So then he nursed again and slept for two straight hours!! So did mom, dad had to work! After that poo he has been regular since and he has only had breast milk so that is really a blessing! It is hard seeing your child in pain and there isn't anything you can do!

So now we are on day 6 and things seem to be getting better. He is eating and then sleeping for 2 hours. This is a good routine for us right now so lets hope it continues.

Here are some pictures from the last few days! ENJOY!!

Reader Beware You're in for a Scare!! (labor story)

Well if you don't know already Tillman Alexander has made his way into the world!! I do have to say being a mom trumps everything. I can't describe it to someone who hasn't had a baby yet because these feelings can't be described in words. Tillman has made my heart complete and has filled me with so much it is undescribable. We are a family now and this feels like an out of body expeirience. I still look at him and can't believe he is mine. I walk by a mirror and stop because I just look at this little guy and know that I have created such an amazing thing.

Well I am not a modest person so this post will probably gross many out or will make you look at me in a different light if you aren't very close to me but I want to remember this day forever! I also want to share because it was hard work and I want people to know that I will do anything for my son. ;) So here is the story of Tillman Alexander.

We checked in the hospital at 5:00 pm. We were hooked up to Pitocin by 6:30 and he broke my water then as well. I progressed super and then around 9 pm contractions were back to back every minute and so I asked for the epidural. That was the best thing ever!! I really felt great but the epidural stopped my contractions so she stopped the pitocin to see if starting me on it a little later would kick start them again. So around 12:00 she checked me and I was 7cm which means my body was contracting on its own. So we kept going and around 1:30ish the epidural stopped working on my left side. I could feel every contraction on the left side. It was intense!!! Then finally around 3:00 she checked me and I was 10cm. We started to push and everything was going well. Then around 4:45 we realized Tilley wasn't going to move any farther..so the nurse called the doctor in and we talked options. I asked him to try the vacum first. So we contracted and he tried but it kept coming off his head. Then we had to decide should I get an episiotomy or a c section. I opted for the epis. which he shared with me would be a level 4. Not to sound graphic but they call this a vaginal c-section because they cut all the way straight down. After he cut I pushed some more with no luck. So the last step before a c-section was forceps. My doctor was older and he assured me that he had a lot of expierience with forceps so it would be ok. I was determined to get him out so with all my might I pushed one good last push and with the forceps Tilley entered the world at 5:13 am. He was plopped on my chest and the first thought I had was OMG he is a heavy baby!!! The second thought was OMG he looks just like Matt!:) So needless to say they swooped him off my chest and took him to the warmer where the NICU checked him out since he had the forceps. Then Matt held him the entired hour that they stitched me up! He had to really work to get all the tears that this little guy did to me stitched up. After an hour or stitching they handed me my son and I just lost it. It was one of those moments in life where I was so overwhelmed with love and other emotions that I just felt like I was floating!! He was so beautiful and perfect!! He didn't cry when they were taking care of him and I kept asking is he ok is he ok!!

Even though his birth story is a gory one I would do it ten million times over as long as he ends in my arms!! We have such a happy baby who loves life. He doesn't cry and he loves to look around the room and see all of us. I am so in love!!!

One more day of just ME! Tomorrow I become an US!

It is such an odd feeling sitting here on the couch thinking about tomorrow. Tomorrow marks the day I am no longer just a ME but an US! Tomorrow I become a MOM! I sit here thinking about all the emotions and the rollercoaster that I will experience tomorrow and I get gitty! When people ask about me after tomorrow they will always include Tillman in that question. When people think about Matt and I they will think of us as a family of three. Tomorrow my husband and I reach a new level of love I hear! Tomorrow my husband becomes the father of my son! Tomorrow my son will be born! Can you belive it? I can't!!!! I am so amazed right now I can't get my thoughts together to get anything done. I am just sitting here feeling him move around and think about tomorrow I get to kiss those toes, tomorrow I get to count those fingers, tomorrow I get to hold this baby that is ALL mine! (Matt laughed and said he would remind me that he is ALL mine when he has a poopy diaper or crying at 3am in the morning;) ) I am so excited about having my family and friends around me to celebrate this little life that is coming into the world! I can't wait to call everyone after he is born and share his story! I have waited for this day for nine months, but in my heart really my whole life. I truely belive that this is the most amazing gift I could ever ask for.

Well Matt and I are struggling with something. Rex only allows three people in the room. Matt is number one, my mom is number two and then the third spot we were going to leave vacant since we couldn't choose between all of our family. Then as we thought more about this day we really wanted someone there to JUST take pictures. Someone who will caputre this whole day and will just stand back to video tape and take pictures of us and Tillman in those most memorable moments. So we thought and thought about who could do this and we both felt comfortable with Matt's sister Katie. We asked and she was honored to be there. We were elated and ready to go for Friday. Well yesterday she was sharing with her dad about being in the room to take pictures and he told her that Matt's mom was planning on being in the room. So now you can see what we are dealing with. We don't have another spot, but Katie's spot is elective so really she could be in the room but Matt and I both know that Paulette isn't really someone who can run a digital camera. We are torn!! We know she is sad she can't be there because Matt called her last night but we don't know what else to do! I know in the scheme of things this really isn't that big of a deal, but I know that having her in there may be a tad bit overwhelming. Matt and I decided that when we check in tomorrow we are going to ask and see if they would make an exception for his mom and if they will we will let her stay, but if not then she can come in right after he is born. So hopefully tomorrow goes well! :)

Tomorrow I am not longer just ME but US!

Overcooked!

I was never a very good cook. I do have to say through the four years of marriage I def. got better. :) Well my not so great chef skills must be passed to my son since he is now overcooked! :)

We went yesterday and stripped membranes and set an induction date. With that date came relaxation I haven't felt in weeks. I was able to think about other things yesterday and to be honest I was excited about being pregnant again. I was able to sit on the couch and just feel him move around and not feel resentment for him being inside and not outside. Ironicly this probably isn't helping getting him out before Friday since I didn't have a single contraction yesterday.

Well this blog has always been a place to share my thoughts and this is one of them I feel I need to share. Since I am so relaxed my brain has started to think about other things. Matt and I have been talking a lot lately about Tillman's name. Now I know this is going to prompt many people to want to leave advice or oppinions but with hormones I don't know how much I can handle so be nice. We decided around Christmas time to name our son Tillman Riddle. That is Matt's full grandpa's name. He really wanted the full name and so we set that as his name. I was ok with it but I always felt that Tillman wouldn't have a more commone name to use if he ever wanted to be called something else. I also felt a little sad because I didn't have input on the name. As months went by I didn't think about it and fell in love with the name Tillman. He is my little Tilley and that will never change. Well Matt kept asking was I ok with Riddle. Every time I would share with him about how I felt that he needed a name that was more common incase he wanted to use it as he was older. Matt's dad is Tillman Dale which allows for him to be called Dale instead of Tillman. So this prompted us to talk a lot latley about his middle name and whether or not we want to keep it Riddle. If it stays Riddle he won't have his own name, it will always be his grandpas name. I want him to have a name that is all his. We are at this crossroad that I think many parents come to because naming your child is very intense. You want to make it something great! If we were to change it now that our son is overcooked I am not sure how our family would feel. I know that in end it is our decision and I promise we will decide on his name because we love the name, not because of what we wrote on a babyshower invite or because we know our family may not agree but I want my family to love his name as well. Being that this decision was made so long ago I know it will be intense for us to change it. I am worried that my step mom has made something already with Riddle as his middle name. I know that his parents really wanted us to be sure that Riddle would be his middle name before we sent baby shower invites. I know that in the end it won't be easy. I really don't know what to do right now. It is one of the hardest things we have done so far as parents but I feel in the end if we just decide to use Riddle because it is easier then Matt and I will regret it in the end. We are going to wait and see the little guy before we decide the middle name. We may keep it Riddle in the end but I want to have the option to not keep it Riddle if we decide on something else. Our son Tillman deserves the best name in the world and I don't want to make this decision without taking the time to think long and hard on it.

Like I said this is going to open up people and I know that people will have feelings both ways but remember that I am an overcooked pregnant woman and hormones can be very violent at times.:) Be nice!

Today is my due date!!

Well I have to say that this morning I was very blue. I just couldn't shake the fact that I hadn't had him yet. I went to the doctor and he stripped my membrane which by the way didn't hurt at all. He said that some women can go into labor 24 hours later. Cross your fingers I am that woman! After he did that we talked about the plan from here and he said we could induce Friday or we could wait till Monday and set a date. I told him to go ahead Friday and then if he comes before then it will be great! I don't really want to be induced but I also can't be pregnant much longer! I really want to have this sweet boy and the more time he spends inside the less time I get with him on the outside. My summer isn't getting any longer! So having this little light at the end of the tunnel is what I think has changed my mood. I am so relaxed now and the funny thing is I haven't really had a contraction all day. (which stinks because I want them to kick in) but I think because I am not stressing over when he is coming my body has calmed down. So we shall see but I know that in the end I will get to meet my little boy by Friday!! Fingers crossed he wants to come earlier!!

One Day Away

Last night Matt and I were talking about Tillman and how we are so ready for him! We were saying that it would be so neat if he was born on his due date since that is kinda rare! Then we were talking about how this is the end of a long awaited journey!

Last night I was laying in bed thinking about how excited I am to meet this little guy but also how much this phase in my life is almost over. As a woman you think alot about being pregnant. I remember always being amazed at woman and how their body looked being pregnant. I have wanted this for so long and it is almost over. I know that my dear friends are tired of me complaining about wanting him to get here. I know that they were excited school was over so they didn't have to listen to me complain and they would all say I would miss this when it is gone. I had that feeling last night that I am sad he will be on the outside in only a few short days. The protection I give him now can only be given by me. When he is on the outside there are so many things that can get to him. This is the begining of a life that I hope will turn into an amazing young man. During pregnancy you are so excited about being pregnant and all the milestones you reach you don't have time to think about the baby when they are out in this world. Last night laying on the couch I hadn't moved from all day all I could think about was his future and raising this amazing child. I started to freak myself out about whether or not I will know what to do and will I be a good mother. Will he know how much I love him even when I get frusterated or annoyed with life? Will he be resepctful to other and love his future wife the way his father loves me? Will he treat his friends with love and compassion and still have a spice for life?

With all this complaing about wanting him out and and the constant annoyance of this belly, I am starting to wonder can I do this? This is the end of a journey but the begining of a new amazing journey! I feel like this post doesn't make any sense and it probably doesn't but I am in the mood to type and it is early on a Sunday morning.

Well we got a good phone call yesterday, Matt's mom called to say that Matt and Katie were NOT ten pounds almost 11 they were both around the 9 pound mark!! That made my day because I am so worried Tillman is going to be HUGE and I don't think I would push out a ten pound baby! Hopefully he will be around 8 pounds. That would be nice!

Well my BH contractions are getting stronger and having a lot more than normal. I also have this constant pain flooding over my abdomen which won't go away. Laura said yesterday that I have convinced myself I am not going to go into labor naturally that I won't know when I am in labor. I think she is right. There are so many different things that happen to your body how do you know when it is the true thing? Also I was thinking about this yesterday when my contractions were coming back to back, if I were to call the doctor and go into Labor and Delivery and be sent home I would be so embarrassed that I don't think I could make myself go back until he was half way out!!! We shall see...if my water broke it would make things a lot easier!!!

2 days away!

It is a very odd feeling sitting on the couch two days away from my due date. For nine straight months I sat here wishing this day would come and now it is almost here and I still haven't had this little guy. I know may FTM go a week over but my heart is starting to get sad because I want him here so bad. I know when I go Monday they will tell me I have one more week to wait and then they will induce me. I have a feeling that he is going to need some persuasion to come out. My body is doing many things to get ready but he doesn't seem to want to budge. I am also growing each week which makes these ugly stretch marks bigger and bigger. No more two piece bathing suits for me! It is also hard when everyone asks when is he coming out. It makes me want to cry. Matt keeps asking and I know he isn't doing it to be mean but I am so tired of it because I want him out just as bad as he does. It is really hard to be positive about this last part when everythin hurts, you feel fat as a cow, you can't pee without pain or eat with out pain, your feet are swollen and when you walk you feel like you have to pee with every step. The other hard part is I sweat really bad as a person. Being pregnant and these hot days it has increased a lot. Well I sweat so bad my underwear are soaked which makes you ponder the thought...did my water break! Do you know how embarrassing it would be to call your doctor and say I think my water broke and in reality you just sweated a ton. Yea so needless to say the next few days I don't think I am going to be a pleasant person to be around. I feel bad for being bitchy and my dad always taught me if you complain about something you better do something about it. I can't do anything about this which makes the complaing even worse! I really want to be positive but I think I have hit my limit. I am really glad we aren't planning on any more kids for at least 4 years!!!

Still pregnant!

So this week marks week 38. Oh Joy!! Can you hear the sarcasim in my voice. Last night was the first real time where I thought I might be in labor. As you can see I wasn't. This labor thing is so darn confusing and I wish it was cut and dry. I drank some water and went to bed and everything was ok. I really wanted it to be labor. I was so bummed when it stopped. A friend of mine gave birth today to her son and she was due a week after me. NOT FAIR! I know Tillman is very comfortable and wants to hang out some more but I really wish he would decide to make his way out! I want to hold him and see him instead of feel him and push back his kicks. My hips really want him out since they continue to look like a old home with ivy growing on it. My veins and stretch marks are making for a very neat pattern going up my sides.

This weekend I wanted to go to the pool but really didn't want to wear a bathing suit with all the veins and stretch marks going up my legs, hips and back. At least the ones on my butt you can't see. I went to lay out in the backyard and Matt was helping carry the chair downstairs and he said as we walked down "It is probably a good idea you didn't go to the pool, you don't wan to scare all those kids with your veiny butt!" Don't you just love them!

Well I am off to run a mile, do twenty jumping jacks, eat an entire pineapple and then 30 squats!! Hope this works!

What we do for our children!

So this pregnancy started out wonderful. I didn't gain a lot of weight, no stretch marks and I felt cute. 37 weeks and counting and I am so not cute anymore. I have more purple stretch marks from my lower back to behind my knees I can't count them all. I have vericose veins trailing down my bum to behind my knees. My "love handles" have become railings instead of handles. My double chin is starting to petrude past the first chin. I am so not happy with this.

When I went to the doc yesterday he was a little worried about the fact that I keep gaining weight each week. I mean 2-3 pounds a week. If I keep this up I will be 180 before my son gets here! I am so not happy! I really don't feel that I am eating a ton more than before. I think the emotions start to come out when I have to get dressed in the morning and nothing fits. It makes my day start off bad. Today I wanted to take the dog for walk and I couldn't even fit into my husbands bball shorts because I am to damn big!

Well the doc did have good news. I am now 90 percent effaced which is a good sign. Again I can stay like this for three more weeks or I can go into labor tonight. I am hoping for the tonight part because I am ready to pull my eyelashes out at school. I really am done with my children and over them. School is getting harder and harder because I don't have the tolerance I should. I know that I need to calm down or my BP will explode but I am just plain DONE!

I still haven't packed my bag because I have no idea what to put in it and I feel I will get my hopes up for nothing. We are putting the carseat in the car this weekend which is exciting but also a tease because he isn't here yet! I wish I knew when he would come.

Doc said he is kinda turned a funny way. His head is down but his back is facing my left side and his face is facing my right side. So he is kinda sideways which means his shoulders will come out in a very painful way. I am hoping that he shifts a little and gets himself in the right place because I don't know if I can do that. He is also on the bigger weight side so I know he will be a big baby! We shall see!

Phone List A and B

So I am starting the phone list of people that want "the call!" I have two lists. One list is for people that want to be called before he is born. Meaning they want to be called as labor is progressing. This list is also two parts, because there are those that want to be called at any hour of the day and the others that want the phone call to come after sunrise ;)! Then list B is for those who want to be called when he has made is arrival. Below is list A that has people who want the anytime call. If you want to be added to any of the lists please facebook or leave a comment and you will be added to the lists! :) I don't want to leave anyone out but I also don't want to call someone who is in a deep somber and could care less that I am screaming my lungs out in LD. ;)

List A (anytime)

Nancy (if Matt is out of town ;) )
Mom & Tom
Paulette & Dale
Dad & Jenny
Katie & Chris
Becca
James & Kath

All good things come to those who wait....whoever said that wasn't pregnant!

So I hit 37 weeks tommorrow and I am done. I loved the begining part of pregnancy and being pregnant for the first time was a blessing. Right now, I am ready to be ME again. I want to be able to roll over without a grunt, or walk without a wadle, to eat without burping (wait I did that before ;))! I want to be able to not have to pee every three minutes, I want to wear normal clothes again and not feel like a frumpy person in my husbands t-shirts. I want to hold this little guy that is doing leg extentions on my stomach. I want to see his little hands that keeping jabbing my belly button. I want to see the little butt that keeps sticking out of my side. All of these emotions are hard to contain when you are 9 months pregnant. This journey has been amazing and I have been so blessed. As far as pregnancy goes I was a lucky one. I was blessed with such a smooth 9 month ride. All the things that are "annoying" right now are so small compared to what we will have in three short weeks! I think this is the worst wait I have ever had to sit through. I remember when I was 12 and I was kicked by my horse and went to the ER. I had to sit on a stretcher for two hours because the ER was so packed. I remember sitting there thinking that was the LONGEST two hours of my life. I remember thinking that if I ever had to wait that "long" again I would die! I do have to say this past week has trumped that two hour wait. Up to this point the wait hasn't been bad because I wanted him to stay in there to cook. Now I want him out! I want to meet him and I can wish that because we have hit the buzzer! He is finished cooking, now he is just cooling off. This wait is KILLLING ME!! I sit in our recliner while he does kung fu on my insides and I just keep telling him that it would be more fun to be on the outside. I know that these three weeks will go by and when he is ready he will make his debute and all I will write about is how I want to stop time. So I am trying to remind myself that all good things come to those who wait!!!

Birthing Expert

So yesterday we spent the day at Rex at our "preparing for childbirth" class. It was interesting to say the least. No we didn't watch a birth on video like everyone thinks. We just talked about the stages of labor, what positions help relax and reduce the pain, what to expect and took a tour of the labor and delivery ward. It was fun to talk with moms that are in the same boat as you. There were lots of young couples ready and eager like us.

The funniest part was when we were taking our tour, there was a lady in labor about to give birth and she was SCREAMING her lungs off! We all walked by and laughed but got chills at the same time. We knew we would be there in a few weeks and it just made it more real. The nurse walked by and said ignore the sound effects! We all laughed, but when we walked back by her room she was done, so at least it didn't last too long.

Also here is a much anticipated picture of my 36 expanding waist line. I do have to say up to the last few weeks this pregnancy has been amazing! I have really loved every moment and felt good about my body image. That went to hell in the past three weeks. This has been the worst part and as time goes on I get more and more sad because of how my body is changing. Things are happening that I know wont go back. Stretch marks are appearing daily, and the scale keeps rising weekly. My abdomen hurts all the time and my butt is sore from sitting for only a few moments. Being that I have always been someone who hasn't had to worry about being petite, I am now trying hard to get myself prepared for the long journey ahead to get myself back into somewhat of a good shape. I know that I will lose some weight when he is born, but in the mirror I know most of what I am gaining now isn't him by fat on me. :( It all comes with the territory, which I signed on for nine months ago! I know in the end when he is here it will all be worth it and the idea of my body image will hopefully be only a faint dream!

Newborn Photos

So this week my sweet hubby bought me a package for new born photos for our sweet boy. Many people laugh, snicker, roll their eyes a the thought of have a prof. come in and take pictures of a two week old but for me it means the world. I love photos, I am not good at getting them printed but I have thousands in my computer/jumpdrive. Two years ago my sweet husband bought me a nikon camera for my addiction. I really wanted it because I knew when we started to add a little one to the mix we wouldnt want to spend that kind of money. I have researched and researched for the right person and I think I found her. She was running a special which of course helped sway my decision but she also had beautiful photos on her website. I signed the agreement and now we are just waiting. I think I am most excited about getting a family photo to enlarge and put over the stairs. I have wanted one for a few years but Matt wont ever have his picture taken. This is the perfect time. When Tilley gets here I swear I am going to have to buy a brand new computer just to hold all the photos. My house will be filled with frames of his sweet face, toes, fingers, belly and most of all his smile. I can't wait to have him here!! Here web address is http://www.christyjohnson.com/

School Baby Shower

I am so blessed to work at such an amazing place! My team threw me and another teacher a baby shower!! It was so beautiful and so many people came!! I loved having all of our friends around celebrating Tilley and soon arrival!

Little brother is growing up!!

So last weekend I went to ECU to watch the little brother walk across the big stage!! It was so bittersweet because I am so proud of him but I am also so sad how much we have grown up and how our lives are moving forward!! I really love him so much and want everything for him, but keeping him young in my mind makes me feel that time isn't going by so fast!!! I also got to meet his Fiances parent which was so much fun! They are getting married in October so I really wanted to meet them. We had so much fun at dinner and loved chatting about the upcoming event!! Love you two so very much!!

Waiting the arrival of Tilley!!

Here are the pictures of his finished nursery!! Can't wait till he gets here!!

35 weeks and 4 years

So Monday I went into the doctor because I was feeling pressure and pain. I was 1 cm dialated, 60% effaced and he was in -1 stage which means his head was there. She could feel it!! I was excited to hear this but then she made it very clear I could stay this way for six weeks. So here we are waiting for Tilley to get here. I am so tired and I hurt. I hope this is the part of pregnancy that you forget about because I wouldn't want to get pregnant again if I remembered this. :) My abdomen hurts really bad and I feel him sitting down there and I really just want him here. It doesn't help that I can feel him move and know our little guy is right there. I want him to be healthy when he comes so I don't want him to come till he is ready but I want him here so bad. I go back Monday which is exciting! I hope that these contractions that I feel are helping me out some more.

Well today marks our four year annv.! I am so excited because I am married to a very amazing man. He is getting newborn pictures taken of Tilley for our annv. That is what I really wanted so he did good. His parents sent us to dinner on them so that was nice. We are going to our birthing class on Saturday so that is exciting. I really want to put the carseat in the car but it is still a little early. I think in about two weeks we will put it in there.

I hope to take pictures of the nursery this weekend and post them. We have everything ready except for the sweet boy to get here!

Weekend Happenings

Well this weekend we were so blessed! Friday at school my team gave us a beautiful shower. They invited the entire school and we were so blessed with so many great things. I couldn't belive how loved our little man is! Then Saturday my sweet aunt held a shower at our house for Matt's friends and all of my friends and family. It was so great to see everyone and we had a blast. We even had blue JELLO shots! (Not me of course!) Tilley was blessed again with so many great things. Once I get the pictures from everyone I will post them. My camera batteries were dead.

Well today we went to Babies R Us to buy the rest of the the things we needed for the T Man. It was so much fun but I was in a funk so I felt bad. It was hard spending that much money but we know our little man is worth the extra careful saving we will be doing the next few months. He is spoiled rotten!!

Next weekend we are going down to Concord to visit with family, attend a baby shower, 80th suprise bday party and then off to see my dad and Jenny. It is going to be a fun weekend.

So can I say that being pregnant has its ups and downs. Don't get me wrong I have wished for this for so long but there are moments where my hormones take over and I can't seem to get over it. He is getting so big and my right ribs are so sore. It hurts to sit because I have spider veins on my toosh and they hurt so bad. It is hard to sleep because he moves when he doesn't like the way I am laying and then when I find a good spot he gets excited and plays around. I want to be able to feel comfortable again. I love this little guy so much and would never wish he come early because I know he has to bake awhile but I can see how God makes this process the way he does because he wants us ready for this little life that we are bringing into the world! I am so ready to meet him. Now that he has everything in his room I am even more anxiouse to meet him!

Just a thought...

So I was sitting on the couch this morning working on interims and it hit me. I am counting down till the EOG. It dawned on me that when the third grade finishes their three days of the EOG, I will be a month away from meeting our little man. That is insane!! I started to get giddy and had chills down my arm. It is hard when I see a little baby to not be jealous because I want so badly to meet Tilley! Only a month and a half to go!

What do they expect?!!!

So we found out a few days ago that the state of NC has moved the EOG up a week. As teachers this is very frustrating because of the fact that we teach all the way up to the EOG. Then after the EOG since we were supposed to have the curriculum taught, we have nothing to really do.

The biggest headache of this move is that our children are not going to be as prepared as we would like for them to be. Yes, yes I know it was only a three day move but those three days are crucial for review and for our kids to "get their head in the game". It is just frustrating because it means we will have five weeks after the EOG to sit around and "find things to teach" since all our math and reading should have been taught before the EOG. You can't teach writing, science, and social studies for four hours a day.

I am being a tad but dramatic about this but I want my point to get across. What do we value more in this state, education and the true aspect of learning the curriculum or testing? Obviously the testing has won this time. I wish the value of learning was higher then the value of testing.

So as we sit here 19 days away from the EOG I am trying my best to prepare my children. We are practicing and practicing for the EOG. We are reading and re reading questions that they will see. We are talking about how to answer the questions. We are working on strategies to help us answer the questions. Is this learning....not really. Am I doing hands on inquiry based lesson....not really. Are my children tired of all this EOG talk...sure are. It is sad that education has come to this.

I just hope when Tilley and his children come around to third grade, there will be a better way then what we are doing now.

31 weeks and stuff....

Well I have nothing inparticular to say but there are a bunch of little things to update one.

Last Saturday I had my second shower which was super! We had a lot of people come and it was so nice to see people I haven't seen in years. We got many presents and Tilley is much loved. We couldn't wait to go home and set everything up.

We spend a week at Myrtle Beach with the family. This was a nice relaxing trip. The weather was a little chilly but it was nice to get away. We wen't to the Carter outlet and bought some cute outfits for when he gets bigger. Nothing we bought was under nine months because we already have SOOOOO many NB clothes.

Well my mom and I were talking the other day and she shared with me that her friend works for Britax. For the non baby people out there, this is a very nice carseat company. Matt and I had already decided on a carseat from Britax so we have saved all our giftcards till we had enough to go ahead and buy it. The carseat in the stores that we wanted was 330. Well mom told us that her friend can get the carseat for 100. I WAS SO EXCITED!! We called him to make sure he could get the one we wanted and he could. We have to return our seat this weekend that we bought and the one he is getting for us will come in soon!! I am so excited because this saves us 200 dollars!! What a blessing for us because we have many things still on our registry that we need to get which means the gift cards we have saved from this car seat can go to something else!

Well I have hit 31 weeks. Someone asked today am I getting sick of being pregnant and I said yes but I would say I am getting sick of it. I am just ready to meet him and have him to hold. Things are getting harder such as bending over, getting comfortable, sitting in chairs for long periods of time. The drive to the beach was so hard because I was in so much pain. He is getting bigger and bigger and I know he is getting tight in there which means that his movements are felt all over. I am also anxious to meet him. I want to hold him and I want to see his little face with his little personality!

Pray for us this week because we may have some exciting news come Friday!! I can't say anymore but just know that this is what we have been praying for, FOR MONTHS AND MONTHS!!!!

Well I am off to write in Tilley's journal that I have started. I have not been really good about writing in it but I really want him to have something from me when he gets older!