What a thought....

Well last Sunday our pastor preached about whether you were ready to go to heaven or not. The sermon was called "Heaven can't wait..." I started to think about this all week which is why he had the sermon was to make people think. I just started to think about whether I was ready or not. I started to think about if I died tomorrow would I be ready. Then that starts to make me think that if I can't answer that with a convicted yes then am I really a Christian. I mean come on if you are Christian you should be able to say yes to that question without hesitation because you know that heaven is way better then here. The thing is that saying yes scares me. I mean there is so much I wan to do on earth which then makes me selfish because I don't want to go to heaven. Wow, this is scary to think about because I want to go to heaven and see God and be there but I also want to be here to do those things that I have always wanted to do. I am so scared because then that makes me think about not being a Christian. I mean if I don't want to go to heaven now then im not a Christian and not being a Christian means I am going to hell. Am I only a Christian because I want to go to heaven? I want to say no I am a Christian because I believe that God gave his only son to die for my sins and that he is in my heart. I start to think about all that I know and all the things that I have been taught. I would say that I have a relationship with God but what if I am wrong. What if the relationship that I have with God is not the type of relationship he wants with me. I pray and I started a prayer group that I am learning about the bible and learning about the relationship he wants with me but have I been saved? I don;t know. I don't know what that feels like. Like when someone asks do you love someone and how do you know? And you answer you just do, well how do you know if you have been saved? You accept God as your Lord and personal savior. What does that mean, I mean I could say yes I do, but do I really, or in my mind and I just saying that. This is so hard. I guess its supposed to because only God knows, and so he wants you to be able to truly be able to be a follower. So this week there has been alot of thoughts running through my mind, and I know that they only way to work through this is to give it to God and to let him guide me. I need to pray about this and I need to listen to his word and I need to read his word because I know that is the only way I am going to be able to work through this but I just wanted to let this out in case anyone else thought about this.