its hard sometimes

Ok so my little brother and I had a conversation the other night that has really kept me thinking. He doesn't belive in God. He thinks that religion brain washes people and he doesn't understand why people follow something so "blindly", expecially when the facts don't add up.

It was hard for me because I am not so savy when it comes to quoting the bible and giving all the information that a non beliver needs. I felt very inadequit because I was unable to have a fair talk with him since I am still so very fresh with learning and reading the bible. Matt told me to drop it but I felt in my heart that God wanted me to continue and he would provide the words. THat is something I pray about alot, is that GOd would give me the words to help James see. I hurt inside thinking that I an unable to give him all the proof he needs. I know that God doesn't expect me to but I feel that my purpose is to help lead James to Gods love, but he wont have anything to do with it.

I know that in the past I felt the same way as James. I had so many questions and I didn't understand why God did the things he did, but you know my life is so much more amazing then before. I know the reason and that is the live God has for me, and that I accepted him in my heart. I just wish I was able to show James. THe thing I did do what give James the examples that showed me that Gods love was real. I know that is what God wanted me to do because he was the one that gave me the words.

It was hard though, because the questions James was asking were legit. Like why aren't there dinasours in the bible? Or the bibles timing is WAY off comapred to how long the earth has been around. Or why does it seem that God is giving an altamatum, its my way or the highway to hell? I didn't have the answers but all I could do was tell him that Gods love has changed me and that my life is so diffrent now that I belive in him and that he loves me.

What is hard is to think that even though I belive and pray for James, and he never sees Gods love and really accepts Jesus Christ as his personal savior, I wont see him after this life. That just made my stomach turn. I mean it is hard because I see Gods love but I don't want to think that he would let that happen. That is the hardest part for me. I know that all that I can do is pray, find those answers that James is looking for and witness to him more. I also know that through time I will be able to read more and to have more proof that God is real and that he loves James.

Well on a lighter note, in a few weeks I will become a fifth grade teacher. I can't wait but I can wait. I am scared that I wont be a good teacher, and then I think that wont happen, because if I think that then it wil happen. I am sad though because I wont be with my children during the last few weeks. Today I had to young third graders tell me I was really pretty today. It made me feel so good. I really love teaching so much. I mean each day I wake up I am so happy to go to school and be there and see their faces. THey are getting on my nerves now, but that is ok because we only have a few more weeks.